Life is darkness....

"Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters."

- Genesis 1:2(NIV)

Formless... empty... darkness... When I read these words, the thought that comes to mind is: isn't this the human condition?  Let's look at each word:

Formless: without a clear or definite shape and structure.  Isn't this often what life feels like?  You get up in the morning earlier than you want, try to wake up before you get to work or school, spend all day trying to learn something new or be effective at your chosen activity, try not to upset your friends or coworkers or teachers or coaches or bosses, finish school or work and go to the next activity until you finally get to go home, where you have to try to maintain your relationship with a family you may not entirely get along with, and if you're a student you STILL have school to do in the form of hated homework before you can go to bed to start the process over tomorrow.  In the middle of all this process, as you're trying to be the best worker or student or athlete or musician or performer of WHATEVER you do... you may find yourself wondering what the purpose of it all is.  What is really the purpose and meaning of your life?  It all seems to just be BUSY, without any direction.

This may lead you to the sense that life is EMPTY: having no value or purpose.  You may think, "I do all this stuff, but what does it really do?  Is all of life just to work to eat, so I can work and eat and work and eat until I eventually retire and die???"  The author of Ecclesiastes frames our thoughts well when he laments in chapter 2, verse 17:

"So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me.  All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." 

Ultimately, though, I think the thing that tatters the corners of our thoughts and eats away at our hearts is the tiny, little voice in the back of our mind that whispers so convincingly, "Life is darkness.  There is nothing but darkness inside of you and other people."  And we find ourselves believing it, being filled to vomiting with darkness, because we see darkness all around us.  We see friends contemplate suicide and can't help but admit we've been there, classmates cut their bodies because they don't want to die but they can't deal with the pain inside anymore, we fight with our parents to the point we wish we didn't know them, our so-called friends whisper lies behind our backs or spit disrespect right in our faces, our parents walk out on their marriage and shatter our families, our boyfriends or girlfriends promise us love but leave us empty or just plain leave, our coaches or conductors or teachers or bosses abuse us emotionally no matter how hard we work to earn their approval, friends and family are eaten from the inside by cancer... and that's just in our personal lives.  Then we look into the world and see starvation, the threat of nuclear war, children shot in schools, girls raped at parties, children molested... and how can we see anything but darkness?  It clouds everything with despair.

But what happened next in creation, in the very next verse, in fact?  Genesis 1:3(NIV):

"And God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light."

The first thing God did to a formless, dark, and empty nothingness... was to infuse it with light.  What does that sound like?

"the people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned."

- Matthew 4:16(NIV)

or

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

- John 1:14(NIV)

or

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'”

- John 8:12(NIV)

Just as the spoken WORD of God into the EMPTINESS before creation brought LIGHT and LIFE... so did Jesus ("the Word of God") when He came bursting into our world as an infant in that cave in Bethlehem.  So does Jesus when He comes bursting into your heart and life through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Now... that doesn't mean there won't be hardship in your life.  As the world descended into sin under the influence of Satan, despite the light that God had given to it, so you will face trouble in your life, even as you walk in faith:

"Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

- 1 Peter 5:8(NIV)

But in your suffering, remember the following verses 9&10(NIV):

"Resist him [the devil], standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

The darkness, remember... is only part of the story, and a temporary part at that.  The ending is "eternal glory."

"Then I saw 'a new heaven and a new earth,' for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ^"He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'"

- Revelation 21:1-5(NIV)

Perspectives....

Perspective... I think it's something we often live our lives without.  Yes, there are moments of clarity when we step back and look at this big, beautiful world in which we live, at the possessions that we surround ourselves with... and realize how blessed we are... but oftentimes I think our field of vision is much narrower than that.  We run through our days like a blinkered racehorse, able only to see what is right ahead of us, not realizing how short the race is in the great scheme of all that will be.

In this race of life... we get caught up in all the things we think we need.  We need more money, we need a better car, we need new shoes, to see the latest movie, to get the newest cell phone or laptop or tablet, to get the trendiest clothes, to have a nicer kitchen, a nicer bedroom, a bigger house, a cup of ice cream!  Maybe we don't process those as all the same level of importance at a conscious level, but how many times have you wanted one of the things on this list and felt upset, even "cheated," if you didn't get them?  I know I have.

Yet, as you read this, there are children starving to death in countries all over the world who would gladly eat the leftovers in your trashcan.  There are people fleeing and dying under the rule of despotic rulers as their homes and livelihoods are burned to the ground.  There are women being brutalized who would give anything for one day where they could be certain no one would hurt them.  There are men desperately trying to find any sort of work because they have a family depending on them to survive.  What those men wouldn't give to have a minimum wage job at any fast food chain in the United States.

I am not writing this to make you ashamed of the blessings God has given you.  They are gifts from our Heavenly Father, and we should never feel ashamed of honest gain.  But I ask, first of myself but also of you... that we keep these things in perspective.  In Matthew 4, Jesus tells the "Parable of the Sower" about a man sowing seeds for harvest.  The seeds are the faith of people, and the soil is the type of environment in which the faith lives or dies.  In verses 18&19, "Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful."  

When we focus completely on the things that we desire of this life, we forget that we are living with an eternal perspective, that God has "set eternity in the hearts of men" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).  Satan tries to take the things of this life and blind us with them, waving them before our eyes so we can see nothing else, and before long, we are dancing to his tune. 

So as you go through life, I encourage you to remember that God has set eternity in your heart, and though the things of this life may seem so crucial and so necessary and so absolutely important...yet Psalm 39:5b(NIV) says, "Each man’s life is but a breath."  Rather than be distracted by these things, which though painful last less than a breath, remember this from 2 Corinthians 4:14-18(NIV):

"We know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.  All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Fraidy cat....

Uncertainty.... uncertainty seems to constantly define our lives, and if we are honest with ourselves, ultimately moves us through life in constant fear responses that attempt to guard us from the threat of the unknown.  I was told once the stock market is run by "fear and greed."  If people fear something bad will happen with the market, they pull out, and actually make something bad happen in the stock market that may not have been that bad if they had stuck it out.  And that's just a fear of material loss.  There are fears we act on that are much deeper... and so much more destructive.  These are the fears of what could happen in our lives... fears of failure.  I fear I will not be accepted to the ivy league college I really want to go to.  Instead of facing that fear, I run and apply to other colleges.  I fear I won't be able to afford a college I really want to go to, so I don't even apply or only apply for ones I know for sure I can afford.  I don't try out for a sports team because I know it's really competitive and I fear I won't make it and can't bear the thought of that failure.  I fear the person I'm attracted to will turn me down, so instead of speaking up or spending time with that person, I stand silent as they pass me by.  I know a class will be difficult, so rather than trying and perhaps finding out I can't do really well in that class, I give up all together because it's better to fail when I know I'm not giving my all than do the best I can and discover I still can't make it.  I know what I believe about God, but I'm afraid to share or speak up because I don't want to be judged as "intolerant" or face questions I can't answer, so I let life-saving opportunities to share the love of God pass me by.

Most, or even all, of these fears are ones we have faced in our lives.  I know all of these are ones I have experienced myself... and at least once I have given into all of them.  As a Christian, I know that God "has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).  Yet, I live with this finite perspective left over from the fall of men, where I think, "The length of our days is seventy years-- or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away" (Psalm 90:10).  I often live trying to reduce that trouble as much as I can, though I have "eternity set in [my] heart," and should have a perspective of how trouble now can mean joy later for me and even many beyond my lifetime.  

For example, I am what you would call a "second career" church worker.  I started out studying in a completely different field with a completely different set of life goals in mind.  By the time I realized I wanted to enter church work... I was a senior in college with a semester of school left.  I had already accumulated my school debt from studying abroad my junior year.  I was fully trained to enter the workforce, except for a few minor, core credit requirements I needed to complete my final semester.  The church work college I needed to go to was expensive, and there were essentially no scholarship opportunities available going into that program as a graduate student.  As a natural long-term planner (i.e., someone who deeply fears the unknown and attempts to plan their whole life before they enter high school), I was standing on the precipice.  Would I follow the fear... or the calling God had set before me?

In Psalm 77:19(NIV), the psalmist writes about God, "Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen."  The psalmist wrote this reflecting about when the Israelites left Egypt, a land in which they had been enslaved, and found themselves on the edge of the Red Sea with no way to cross.  Behind them came the entire Egyptian army at a time when Egypt was one of the premier world powers, and they were not coming with boats... they were coming with swords to destroy and enslave once more.  The Israelites were trapped.  Many of them reacted in fear.  God had promised to their ancestors He would be faithful to their descendants and had delivered them from the hand of Pharaoh, the most powerful man in the known world, with miracles they could not even have imagined... but that's hard to remember with a sword at your back and no way to escape.  What did God do?  He drove the waters apart to create a path to the other side of the Red Sea.

"Your path lead through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen."

How often in your life have you faced that, a moment of decision... when the "footprints" of God were unseen?  So many, I would guess... and if you're like me... there are so many ahead.  Yet, He is there, isn't He?  As the Israelites crossed between the parted sea, they were following a path God had opened for them.  As they traveled forward, behind them God stood as a pillar of fire, blocking the pursing Egyptians so they could not overcome the Israelites before they crossed.  Throughout their journeys in the desert, "the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.  Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people" (Exodus 13:21-22).  God never left His place in front of His people.  

And God never leaves His place with you, either.  Jesus said in Matthew 28:20(NIV), "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."  In Romans 8:9, it says that as a Christian, the "Spirit of God" lives in you, that He "leads" you... and the Spirit of God is not "not a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" (2 Timothy 1:7).  So though, like through the waters, it may be that God's "footprints [are] not seen," don't live in fear.  He is there; He is guiding you, no matter how desperate the circumstances may seem.  The all-powerful creator of everything is actually living in you. And though, even when you face your fears you may still fail, remember this, "We know that in all things God works for the good of those wholove him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28.)

You are not a waste...

I was in Japan when I first realized it: I ask nothing of my body compared to what it's capable of.  What brought on this revelation: watching a "parkour" competition on television.  Parkour, also known as urban running or free running, is essentially where a person goes directly from point A to point B in an urban setting - literally.  I mean they are jumping fences, climbing buildings, leaping rooftops, and everything in between.  In the competition I was watching, there were competitors from all around the world, competing on a fabricated course.  There were various stages to the competition, each with a different course to run.  In order to move from one stage to the other, you had to complete the entire course, without falling "off course," like into the water or off a platform or anything.  What lead me to my realization was that one part of the competition required someone to run across a platform to leap up between two suspended, plexiglass walls.  There was nothing to "land on" between these walls, so the competitor had to open his hands, palm out, as soon as he or she got between the walls, and hold themselves in between the walls through the sheer pressure of their hands against the walls.  They then had to climb inside the walls, again only through the pressure of their hands, to get up onto the next platform of the course.  It was incredible that people were actually capable of doing that.

Incidentally, it is also in Japan that I began to realize my "issue," at least the "issue" I believed I had.  I had the sudden belief that I am not particularly "gifted," at least in a specific sense.  Sure, I'm pretty good at a fair number of things.  But am I spectacularly good at any one thing: I didn't think so.  Back in school, I had good grades, sure... but it wasn't effortless.  I had to work hard to make it happen.  I was pretty good at sports; I was pretty fast and fairly strong.  But I was never God's gift to the athletic world.  As I took inventory, I couldn't really think of anything that people would say, "Man, they're sure impressive at ____."  

About a year or so ago, this thought process unexpectedly surfaced again.  I met this extremely gifted person at athletics.  They had walked on to their college track team and were immediately the fastest sprinter on the team, even though they had never trained for sprinting in their lives.  With the right training, they could have made a name for themselves as an NCAA athlete.  They could start a sport they had never played before, and within a day, be proficient at it to the level that you would never know they had not done it before.  They could watch someone proficient at a physical activity, and very shortly teach themselves how to do that activity.  Even the things I considered myself fairly good at, they could do better without even having attempted to be proficient at it.  What was worse, this person wasn't stupid, either!  They were extremely intelligent, to the point that they sometimes talked over my head without realizing it.  Standing in that light... it was difficult to find any giftedness in myself.  Even those things that I would consider my "gifts," didn't seem that great compared to their's.

I bring this up because I think this is an issue that, in some way, most of us humans struggle with.  As our own worst critics, it is hard to see the value in ourselves, especially compared to someone who has these amazing abilities we admire... and even covet.  When I turn to God about this, though... He definitely has a different view on the issue.

The first passage is one that convicts me, for it reminds me who I am and Who God is:

"But who indeed are you, a human being, to argue with God? Will what is molded say to the one who molds it, 'Why have you made me like this?' Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one object for special use and another for ordinary use?" - Romans 9:20-21(NRSV)

I am only a human being, crafted by God, whose entire life depends on God and who only lives for maybe a century.  Who am I to question what God has given me, when He can see the full measure of Time and knows how important my gifts, no matter how small they appear, really are?  Isn't He worthy of trust, if He is all knowing and all good, as we believe?

But God does not leave us with, "Why do you question me, though I have your highest good and the highest good of all humanity at heart?"  He also gives us this passage:

"For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ.  For in the one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.  Indeed, the body does not consist of one member but of many.  If the foot would say, 'Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,' that would not make it any less a part of the body.  And if the ear would say, 'Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,' that would not make it any less a part of the body.  If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be?  But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.   If all were a single member, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many members, yet one body.  The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I have no need of you,' nor again the head to the feet, 'I have no need of you.'  On the contrary, the members of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable." - 1 Corinthians 12:12-22(NSRV)

What does this mean?  We, as Christians, are members of the body of Christ.  And we each are valuable to that body.  We were given different gifts, as a body has different parts, and each part has a necessary function without which the body would be incomplete.  Even people who have gifts that seem "undesirable" are "indispensable," just as the bowels may seem unpleasant, but are absolutely necessary for the survival of a human being.

Even more simply:

"YOUR GIFTS ARE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THEM!"

God has given you your gifts for a reason, and that reason was to be a blessing to the rest of the Christian community, as well as the rest of the world, through your usage of those gifts in the name of Christ.  Maybe you're not a good speaker.  So what!  It's our culture that's telling you to be ashamed of that.  God has an important calling for you!  Maybe you suck at sports.  So what!  Use the gifts you have because each one of us uniquely and specifically impacts the lives of the people we meet.

And finally, remember this:

 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,  your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:13-16(NIV) 

You are a wonderful, incredible work of God.  And we know God does "all things for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28a).  When God made you, He knew your gifts were for the "good of those who love him," both yourself and others.  Take comfort, then.  You are not a waste.

Psalm 13...

Psalm 13 begins with the verse "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?"  Not an auspicious beginning, and if you think about it, kind of an arrogant one.  You have David, the man whose very position is his because of the direct intervention of God, questioning God directly.  You have a mere man, who is born and dies within the window of one-hundred years, questioning the God who spoke the entire universe into existence and still holds it together today (Genesis 1-2; Acts 17:28).  I don't know how your superpowers are doing, but I can't even speak my 4-month old kitten into not attacking my shoelaces in the morning.  As the Word says in Ecclesiastes 3:11(NIV) "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."  Mankind cannot fathom all that God has done; yet he seems constantly confident in challenging the all-powerful creator of the universe.  Pick most any significant figure in the Bible, and you're bound to find it somewhere:

1. Adam and Eve - ate the apple in Genesis 3
2. Abram and Sarai (Abraham and Sarah) - they both laughed when God, the creator of everything, said they would have a son together in Genesis 17&18.
3. Jacob - the man God renames Israel and is the one whose sons are the heads of the 12 tribes of Israel physically wrestles against God in Genesis 32.
4. Moses - whines about not being able to speak well when God Himself tells him to go into Egypt and free the Israelites in Exodus 4&5.

The list goes on.  The point I'm trying to make here is that David is not alone in questioning God.  Despite all we know about Him and how He has revealed Himself to us throughout history... we still can't seem to resist questioning His goodness and motives through our words and actions.  I definitely do this on a regular basis.  I seem to constantly fret about how to make ends meet with regard to money.  I used to always worry about my career choices and whether I was making the "right" decisions regarding the career choices I made.  I constantly fear failing at what I'm doing and wonder why God lets things happen the way they do.  I am not unique in this.  No one is.  After all, the figures I named above are among the most well-known in the Old Testament, and they are all on record, in the oldest known written text, for having complained about God, to God, Himself!

Psalm 13 ends with verse 6 "I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me."  Dealt bountifully?!?  David spends most of the psalm complaining about how God was taking so long to deal with the evil men that were defeating him, questioning God's timing and seeming to try and hurry God along.  I don't know about you, but when I do everything I can for someone, giving them my best and being constantly concerned with their needs, and they still complain... it doesn't really motivate me to stick my neck out for them yet again!  Yet God was bountiful in giving good things to David.

And really... He's the same with us.  We have done just as much whining and complaining as David does throughout the Psalms.  We have done things we shouldn't have, said things we shouldn't have, thought things we shouldn't have... and desired things we'd be ashamed for anyone else to know about. Yet God, knowing every detail of how history would play out "sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10).  

To conclude... God does not deal with us as we deserve.  Because of Christ, we are able to stand in the presence of God, through prayer, and tell Him what's on our mind.  We are able to bring our fears and worries and stressors and failures to Him... and He does not see them as the irritants we see them.  He desires to hear from us, so as in the words of Paul in 1 Thessalonians 5:17(ESV) "Pray without ceasing."